it's the brink of a new year..........a new beginning, a new start, another year.....
i am on the verge of a milestone birthday..........
i am anxious, I am unsettled, i am at unrest.
today, i agreed to take my sweet son, brendan and two of his friends to the mall.
i don't really like malls.........i tend to frequent the smaller stores.....tjmaxx, marshalls, homegoods....
yet, today, i said "yes" and we ventured out.
we ended up not far from the house that i last called "home". it was a sweet home......a home stocked full of memories and treasures..........and a reminder of things that used to be.
don't misunderstand, that last comment.........for i am truly happy and content and full of joy where i currently reside - it's just that the other home....the one before this one......was when i felt more "intact".
you see, *that* home was actually the home that we moved into precisely on the 5th birthday of miss emily. we joked and we shared with her, "you got a new home for your 5th birthday"........and you know? that was all well and good and "enough" for her. there were memories made, milestones met and it was a home that was full of love and loved in return.
as we left the mall today, with friends that didn't know us "then", my son requested that we drive by our "old" home. he was not yet 8 years old when we said goodbye to that home, yet it is the one he remembers today and shares with me memories from time to time.
as we drove down the street, i was filled with a plethora of memories. the bus stop on the corner where both of my children started kindergarten.....the cul-de-sac where both my kids learned to ride their bikes and was a gathering place for many of the neighborhood kids.....the "house" that was made a "home".
we were pleased to see that the neighbors on one side of us were still there.........and we shared a few moments with them.......reminiscing, talking about how grown up our kids are.....and how emily is no longer with us.............it was a bittersweet moment...........
and then, we went next door. to the house we called home for awhile........and reintroduced ourselves to the sweet family that now reside in our former home..........and it was a refreshing, renewing, and reassuring.....that they love the house as much as we did. that they are making memories and savoring moments, just as we did. and they mentioned that they had heard about my sweet daughter, and while they didn't have the honor and privilege of knowing her.......that everything they had heard and read is a true testiment of just how special she was.......she is...............
they let me go inside the house. and it was a tug at the heartstrings with memories of "what used to be"......and reminders of what no longer is. but, just like my life, their life is filled with the love of children, the love of their home, the love of friends and family and even pets..........and it is all a part of what we all call "life".............and it is reminder of all the blessings that we are all given - though we are all so undeserving. and yet, there "He" is ....... showering His grace, His love, His hope...............
my hope and my prayer for each of you is a new year filled with an abundance of hope.......of love and of life.......that we seek Him first.......and that we put Him before all...........and with that.........we will all be showered with the grace that only He gave give.
happy 2012 to all of you......................
with all my love!
